5 & 1/18 Secrets to Blistered Feet & Fouled Shoes Why I hate Vibram Five Fingers

  1. Double Bubble Blisters

    Vibrams will make your feet look as if they were dipped in hot lava. Monstrous, ugly

    A woman wears Vibram
    Image via Wikipedia

    oozing blisters burst like bubbles in cannibal stew.The shoes are  elegant black gardens for world class germs. Only infection can blossom in such foul ground.

  2. Hot Brewed Stench

    Vibrams can brew a wicked and unforgivable stench. It’s a funky and deeply disturbing odor. I like to imagine there is an organic exterminator who uses the Vibram fumes to kill weeds and maybe even as a replacement for “bug bomb” in a toxic tent.

  3. Sole Shock

    Vibrams do offer some minor arch support and the sole is relatively thick for a barefoot shoe. As a result, some runners still heel strike when they wear them. In fact, Oberman got a stress fracture from running with a heavy stride in Vibrams.

  4. Stupid as Blue Mountains

    The toe glove/squid mitten is dumb. The forced separation of the toes does nothing for your foot. It’s just a marketing gimmick–kind like those stupid Coors Cold Activated Bottles; even if the mountain’s are blue, you’re better off eating yellow snow.

  5. Shoe Struggles

    It took me 5 minutes to get the damned  things on my foot. Sandals take less than a minute and that includes a custom, gladiator style lace.

    5 & 1/18. Vibrams have too many pronunciations (eg vEEbrUM, vEEbrAM, v-EYE-brum, v-EYEbrAM. I’m sure there are others). Sandals have one.

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