- They can’t cross hatch pen and ink illustrations.
- They don’t know anything about Shakespeare.
- They can’t play the ukulele.
- They never eat your homework when you want them to.
- They have two extra legs.
- They lack of proper bathroom etiquette.
- They can’t color correct images in Photoshop.
- They express their Uncontrolled Sexual Urges on your Leg.
- They are ineligible for public office.
- They can’t eat Chocolate, but they can eat their own poop.
As I have stated before, I’m not a doctor, just a crazy barefoot runner. Read my site disclaimer.
- Your Instant Kitchen Masseuse: Rolling Pins are great for lower leg massages. Just roll them over your legs. You can get a deep massage or just mild one. Don’t press too hard. If you do, you’ll just force your muscles to contract and you’ll be even sorer than before. Roses, scented oil, and Enya are optional.
- Egg your Oily Skin: Combine one cannibal free egg white with a teaspoon of lemon juice. Apply mask to oily area. Wait 20 minutes; wash away the mask to reveal lovely
- Lick Stress with Lime: When you’re stressed or have a tension headache grab a lime and slice it in half. Gently rub one half over your forehead and temples–make sure you don’t any juice in your eyes, that will increase your stress. Squeeze the other half into a glass of tecquila: drink; no more stress.
- Grind out Inflammation with Ginger. Ginger is an excellent natural anti-inflammatory agent. It can help relieve pain and reduce inflammation associated with arthritis, rheumatism and muscle spasms. Don’t eat too much, it can upset the stomach.
- Give Hang-Overs the Slip with Bananas. Bananas are great for hangovers,. They make three natural sugars which supply quick energy. They also contain high levels of magnesium, which ease alcoholically induced headaches.
1/2 Remedy: Boost Stamina with Chia Seeds. Chia seeds are packed with protein, EFAs, and minerals. They deliver instant energy without empty calories. They have no taste either; so you can add them to just about anything.
Is it a sore muscle or is it a torn muscle? The knowing the difference can save you
weeks of rehab (but if you do end up with a full rupture, you can use that time to learn French so you can read the diagram on the right).
Muscle damage from ripping all or some of the muscle fibers and the tendons attached to the muscle can occur from suddenly overloading the muscle too fast or from chronic overuse and insufficient recovery. Sudden unexplained pain in a muscle may be s symptom of DEADLY medical condition, if muscle pain comes from nowhere, seek medical attention ASAP. It could save your life.
Le Signs of Muscle Strain:
- Pain in muscle during periods of rest and inactivity.
- Weakness or Inability to contract the muscle.
- Bruising, often the bruises will travel. So, there may be bruising near your ankle even though the pain is in your calf.
(This post is officially over. But here is an exciting “deleted” scene. And by deleted I mean completely included.)
Medical advice from a barefoot runner who is NOT a medical professional or reptilian humanoid:
Ice packs or wraps will alleviate swelling. Apply immediately and for no longer than twenty minutes at a time. Slightly stretch/elongate the muscle for best results. Don’t apply heat too early! OMG, you will regret it. I used wet heat the first night of my calf strain. The next day it felt like rats had gnawed it and the twitchy spasms drove me insane. Heat should be applied by the injured party when the swelling has decreased.
Deleted Scene Commentary:
When the passive voice is used by me, I like to add weak,lifeless phrases such as “the injured party”. It reminds of all the bad writing I committed in Mr. Edwards English class. He would write “AWK” in red ink next to almost every sentence of mine. But the awkward phrases were my favorite ones. I never changed them. I let them tumble around the page. When I read them again, they would project many stupid images into my brain’s theater. Now playing: “Injured Party”. A ripped “happy birthday” banner slithers in the wind, below it a tangle of unhappy hunched figures in blue suits and gray, Victorian dresses; at their feet: wet confetti, popped balloons, and spilled punch bowls. Now that is an “injured party”.) OK that was “AWK. You need to re-write this. Come see me after class, we to talk about your grades.”
Barefoot Runners Life Podcast (Episode 2)
Two Inoffensive Responses to instantly silence the annoying Barefoot Inquisitor.
This podcast explains a simple trick for silencing people who ask you, “Where are your shoes?”
Unlike the responses in my previous post, the retorts in this episode are for everyone. I even show you how turn lead into gold–so to speak.
- Movement. Do not over-work the injured muscle; otherwise, you’ll just re-tear it or completely rupture it, thus knocking yourself back to square one and scarring the muscle fibers, making future tears much more likely. The idea is to move to the onset of DISCOMFORT, not PAIN, then ease up. Don’t do jump moves or anything else that will place a huge load on the muscle all at once.
- Compression. For calf strains there are compression sleeves. Most sporting good stores have a wrap for every body part imaginable. The wraps are great for supporting the muscle as it recovers and for increasing circulation as your body repairs the damaged tissue.
- Ice. Nature’s anti-inflammatory agent. If you live near a cold stream, you can let the crisp mountain runoff rush over the injury. I stood knee deep below a waterfall, fueled from Mt. Hood’s melting snow. The mountain infused its chill into my injured calf muscle making me smile while I shivered. If you’re not a peace loving hippie type person, you can buy ice wraps at sporting goods store or online from my ActiveWrap Foot / Ankle Hot & Cold Therapy, Small/Medium AFFILIATE. Do NOT ice a muscle LONGER than 20 Min.
Tissue massage with rolling pin, broomstick. The hard surface allows you get a deeper over all massage with an evener distribution. Your fingers are good too, but they tend to go deep at small points, the hard curved surface evens out the pressure.
- Diet. This is sort of a no-brainer. Protein is the building block for muscle; so feeding your body the nutrients it requires will speed up your recovery quickly. Don’t SUPER dose yourself with protein powders or eat eggs. That will just make you sick. The trick is to eat fresh HIGH WATER CONTENT FRUITS & VEGETABLES such as avocados, bananas, and oranges. Eating fresh fruits & vegtables will DRAMATICALLY INCREASE RECOVERY AND LEAD TO GREATNESS. I used to believe that eggs offer the best quality protein known to humankind; they do, if you’re a fox or a weasel or some other carnivorous wild animal. Nothing can hold a candle to raw fresh fruits and vegetables in terms of density of powerful recuperative nutrients. Since following an all fruit diet, my ability to recover astonishes me. My Achilles aches calf issues have vanished, my stamina has increased, my moods are glorious, and I have tons of energy, all of which means I am able to add more kilometers to my runs with the worry of injury. If you’re injured, eat fresh fruits & vegetables. If you’re not injured, eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. You will be amazed!
Muscle strains SUCK, but the tricks above will help you get back on your barefeet once again.
May you be blessed, may you be happy, may you live with ease. Run, long , run far, run bare!
I strained my soleus doing eccentric heel drops. I contintued to run and stretch the tight muscle, turning a level 1 strain into a level 2 strain. Now, I’m battling muscle spasms, a deep ache, worst of all I have to ride a bike to get some amount of cardio. No barefoot running for a few weeks.
I took the wrong approach. I’m training for 30 mile run, but during my training the deep innards of my calves were sore and my Achilles was barking. I decided to stick with my mileage and ignore the aches. That was a mistake.
I’m treating the strained soleus with MICE (Movement, Ice, Compression, Elevation) instead of RICE. I am not stressing the muscles, but I am using them until they start to ache. Then I rest and recover and use them again until the onset of the ache, then I rest and recover. And by movement I mean walking on the treadmill or around a stroll around the block. I’m also walking up hills BACKWARDS. That’s a great trick for sore Achilles too. When you run or walk backwards up inclines, you dramatically decrease the load placed on your Achilles and Calf and dramatically increase your ability to trip–in fact, everyone who sees you walking or running backwards and barefoot will think you are “trippin”.
From what I’ve read, the movement increases blood flow to the damaged muscle and keeps it working, preventing atrophy from disuse. The trick is NOT to overdo it; otherwise I’d just be resetting the injury and building a bunch of scar tissue which would lead to further issues.
I’m also adding some massage with tennis balls. The tennis balls or other hard, curved objects break up the scar tissue. Some people use broom sticks, rolling pins, and of course the stick. The Stick is a total gimmick, a rolling pin does the same thing AND you can use it to ward off reptilian humanoids.
I was drawing up a rough for another illustration when a creature with 6 eyes popped burst from darkness.
This illustration isn’t an exact represenation of the image I saw.But it distills the idea and emotion I felt when the vision came to me. When my eyes were shut, I saw a wookie type creature with 6 eyes staring upward. I drew the wookie, but it didn’t move me. So, I just sort of let my hand move, the way a medium does when she is automatic writing. This image is result of my doodling.
My wife said that she saw a bird stealing one of the figure’s eyes in an early stage of this sketch–which was really just a scramble of scribbles. That wasn’t what I experienced. What I sensed when I saw the image in my mind’s eye was the figure both offering and losing part of his vision. That he had six eyes remaining was important.
I am recovering from a strained soleus. No I did NOT strain running barefoot. I strained it because I thought I was strengthening my Achilles. I did eccentric heel drops, an effective Achilles strengthener and treatment for sore Achilles, the heels drops overloaded my sore soleus, I kept doing them, turning a sore muscle into a full blown strain. That’s where the crappy bike riding comes in. Whilst riding, I realized why I am a barefoot runner and not a bicyclist. (I would just ride my unicycle, but the unicycle is different animal from the bike. It is much better. Unlike a two wheeled bike, the unicycle swings all of your leg and core into action. I know that just mounting it would put pressure on my tender soleus.)
- Bicycles boil your but. Even the soft seats are a pain after a while. Having the constant pressure of the hard saddle leads to to a super sore, bruised butt.
- Bicycles cost big bucks. They’re not exactly money pits and they do beat rising gas pricing. But they are expensive. And do require maintenance from time to time.
- Ugly Clothes. You have to wear spandex shorts, a tight shirt, and a helmet, none of which are very comfortable or fashionable.
- Flat tires and maintenance. Changing tires on the side of the road is a hassle, even if you have the right tools.
- Just a quad workout. Yes, bikes do work your arms too, but the major muscle is the quad. My quads are fine, I hate they way they look when I bike a like. My leg feels out of balance. Barefoot running gives you sexy balanced legs and feet.
Happy Anniversary my dear loving wife. You are my sole mate.
I knew you were the one the moment I saw you. You wore that black leather jacket, the one we gave to God. You stood by me when the demons came screaming out. I was even less sane then than I am now, but you are always there. And I’m glad you’re still here. I hope I’m making you happy as and fulfilled as you have made me all these many years.
I love you.