Running Barefoot in Fall: Crippling Dangers Finally Revealed

Leaves floating in an autumn breeze.
Trees cover a multitude of sins. But leaves can be hell.

It was  once said by an artist with an afro, “Trees cover a multitude of sins.” They do. But their brittle leaves conceal a deadly slew of treacherous sharp blades, dirty syringes, and filthy goop.

Don’t step into pain and misery this fall. Learn to spot  the Top Dangers Lurking  Under the Fallen Leaves.

  • Rusted Screws & Nails & Hypodermics
    The curb is a magic magnet for the remains of backyard mechanics, lusty teenage lovers, and pock ridden junkis or cheap-ass  diabetics who refuse to use sharps containers. The refreshing scent of wet pavement has glazed the sharp points of nails, screws, and metal shavings with a lethal dose of tetanus inducing rust. It’s not a bad idea to be up to date on your tetanus shots.
  • Slimy, Wet Rubbers, Minty, Brown Spit, and Squishy, Sticky Feces
    Sleazy leaves hug the nastiest filth imaginable. A leaf that clings to the pavement in the breeze conceals a disgusting surprise.
  • Pain Pyramids & Rocks & Action Figures
    Pain pyramids are arrowhead pebbles that have shaped themselves into stone spikes with a sharp point on every tip. Landing on them will blast a four letter bolt of pain from your toes through your mouth. Hitting a rock or hard packed plastic object with a naked foot usually isn’t too discomforting, until it turns into a seemingly inexplicable dull pain on the top of your foot or into a marble sized bruise in the ball of your foot, both of which will delicately embed an annoying ache in your foot–the same way listening to One Direction or Mit Romney effectively places an annoying ache in your brain.

What’s a barefoot runner to do?

  • Avoid stepping on raised leaves.
  • Trail Run instead of running on the streets.
  • Stay away from curbs and other drainage areas.
  • Wear —> Sandals or minimalist shoes when running on paved roads.
  • Be Current with Your Tetanus Shot.
  • Vote for Obama or help me move to France

The good news is that the universe has blessed most barefoot runner’s with an amazingly strong set of feet. Anyone who has spent a summer running barefoot on concrete will have a near indestructible hide on their sole. I have accidentally stepped on broken bottle shards, nails, and screws without injury.

May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you live with ease.

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