Get Slim & Flat: Dose Yourself with Pig Fat

Michelle : sexy girl on a convertible cadillac
Image by tibchris via Flickr

I don’t believe in strict diets, not only because they don’t work, but also because they are unhealthy.

Hunger, craving, and appetite are muddy areas.  Most people eat to satisfy their psyche rather than their body; there’s also that biological aspect: sweets and fat are rare in nature; so, we’re hard-wired to go after them. It’s tricky business. I’ll spare you the rant about striving for the “ideal weight” and just say that I think watching your weight is stupid. The goal should should be healthy and active, not meet some obsolete BMI rating.

Even so, some of us do have craving for food that aren’t healthy or have an unhealthy urge to eat way too much. I accidentally discovered an easy trick to putting those cravings and overeating to an immediate end.

How did I discover this magic bullet?

A tattooed pig gave it to me. For those of you who don’t know, I am a licensed tattoo artist. Whenever I try out a new needle configurations or re-configure my machines (I’m on a short stroke shader kick), I use Fat Back Pig Skin for practice. It’s less expensive than the tattoo practice skin on the market and much more like human skin. It has tough spots, you have to stretch it, heck you even have to shave it, etc.

The fat under the pig skin smells after about an hour. It’s a VERY particular odor that has a very specific effect. It completely takes away your appetite. It’s literally a “disgusting” smell. And it sticks to your clothes.

It doesn’t stink like roadkill or rotting flesh. It’s more of a sweaty animal barnyard scent.  I have seen aroma therapy diets that include scents that are supposed to make a person feel satiated, but none that take away the urge to eat. The smell of Pig-Fat on fat-back does just that.

To get the pig-fat to smell just do this. De-thaw it in hot TAP-water. Expose it to the sun or heat for a few minutes.

At .89¢ a lb, it might be good way to stop yourself from eating all the HaagenDaz. Or could just NOT buy Haagen-Daz.

I am NOT a nutritionist, psychologist, or health expert. I’m just a guy who runs on concrete with barefeet, who tattoos old skool wolves on dead pigs, and who writes about hair-brained pig-fat diets on his a blog from time to time.

 

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Parasites in the Washroom?

5&1/2 Things You Didn’t Know About Me

Everyone knows, or should know, that I’m NOT a reptilian humanoid. Here are five and half things about you me you probably didn’t know. By the time you finish reading this post, you may wish you still didn’t know them, especially the one about the parasites.

San Jose State University Tower Hall
Image by roarofthefour via Flickr
  1. I am an Oregon State Licensed Tattoo Artist.
  2. I have a gift (or curse) for annoying people I love. Sort of like this song.
    What makes me think it’s a gift is catchy quality of my irritation.
  3. I have designed and illustrated a few books for a small, literary press.  I also write bad poetry and fiction on occasion. I’m working on my first YA novel. I don’t have a title yet, but it will be better than my first novel title, “Satanic Holiday”. God, I can’t believe I thought that was an edgy title. It’s terrible.
  4. I have an ALA accredited Masters of Library Science Degree from SJSU. I even served as an Adjunct Faculty Member at Tacoma Community College and Spokane Falls Community College. Most of my Spokane students absolutely hated me. They tore into me for my faculty review. OMG, it was brutal, I couldn’t stop laughing when I read it.  But the department head didn’t care. She had me come back to teach.
  5. I absolutely hate seafood, which is why I married someone who enjoys it.
    5 & 1/2. I had a weird hobby: I used to collect and repeatedly listen to MLM pitch tapes as a form of entertainment. Most of my collection focused on holistic health, but a I had a few stock forex ones too. The holistic ones were much more interesting. Quack cures abounded in Dead Doctors Don’t Lie (Doc Wallock is top-rate salesman and speaker.) But my favorite MLM tape was about parasites. It was called something like “Are You Clear of Parasites?” It featured audio testimonials of people talking about their eliminations.The line I remember is, “I called my wife over to the washroom and said, ‘Oh, honey, you gotta see this; you just won’t believe it!'” (I think, by now, you know how that poor woman must have felt.)
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Here’s a Quick Way to Laugh or Roll your Eyes

 

Some Silly Stick Captions.
Caption #1:
I told you the new ginsus were sharp!

Caption#2:
OK, OK, I admit it: you can take this minimalist lifestyle thing too far. 

 

 

 

 

Caption#1:
That’s what happens when you watch too much TV.
Caption#2:
What people look like to someone suffering from an acute case of Pacman fever. 

 

 

 

 

Caption#1:
What your spouse looks standing in the doorway after your first ultra.
Caption#2:
The first thing everyone looks at when they attend their own funeral.
Caption#3:
A Grisly Bear’s Trophy Wall.

 

Dear CREATIVE PORTAL:
It’s Lame to Have a Blog Post about Image Captions with Images to Caption and Nothing asking visitors Not Hotlink WHILE PERMITTING HOT-LINKING. Then for no good reason, just turning off Hot-Linking. That’s screwy. I wouldn’t have hot-linked had I known. When you urge people to caption your photos in a blog post about blog ideas, you have to expect your readers to assume that hot-linking is OK. I mean, it is a post for bloggers who want to BLOG captions for the IMAGES–at least make download links or mention “No hotlinks”. I came home from a nice hike and was greeted with busted post. I had re-create the images from memory. What is this the 90s!?

 

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Secret Trick that Makes any Woman Horny (Guest Post)

GUEST POST by Guido La Brone (aka The Sausage Party)

 

Bikini Model
Image by memoflores via Flickr

My name is Guido La Brone and I want to share a secret with you. I wasn’t always the player I am today. I stumbled across this trick at a night club. I was tired if getting turned down for steamy one night stands and my hand was really sore. In a flash, the answer came to me.

This trick is so easy anyone can do it. It doesn’t matter what you look like, skinny, fat, in shape, out of shape, but you do need some money or access to someone who likes guitars.

OK here’s the secret trick to making any woman instantly horny:

Dress real nice, put on some gold chains and classy  outfit, something with silk. And give her some trumpets, saxophones, or tubas. You got yourself one horny woman!

Rose Sanderson Women's suffragists demonstrate...
Image via Wikipedia

 

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10 Things I Hate About Dogs

  1. They can’t cross hatch pen and ink illustrations.
  2. They don’t know anything about Shakespeare.
    puppies
    Image by www.petian.net via Flickr
  3. They can’t play the ukulele.
  4. They never eat your homework when you want them to.
  5. They have two extra legs.
  6. They lack of proper bathroom etiquette.
  7. They can’t color correct images in Photoshop.
  8. They express their Uncontrolled Sexual Urges on your Leg.
  9. They are ineligible for public office.
  10. They can’t eat Chocolate, but they can eat their own poop.
I recently received a rebuttal to this post from one Mister Spot Doggy.
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