It’s summer. Time to hit the streets bare. But every rose has its thorns. Bare-footing in summer is no different. Creeping from summer shadows are the slack jawed hecklers. This swarm of idiots will make it their purpose to harass and hurl insults. Their inane question of choice:
Where are your Shoes?
It is almost as disturbing as it is ridiculous that these people somehow think that YOUR SHOES or lack thereof will affect THEIR LIFE. Why else would they ask? They see that you’re running. I hope they don’t expect you stop mid stride to strike up conversation with them. No. They’re not interested in engaging in a real conversation. The cold, dirty truth is that they aren’t asking for an answer; they’re calling you an idiot. Not outright; instead of being brave, they’re cloaking it in a question. Insecure people hide behind questions all the time. Their passive aggressive verbal attack is a feeble attempt to make their massively insignificant selves feel superior to someone they do not consider to be a threat. Usually, I let the snide comments slide, but sometimes I feel feisty. If you’re tired of listening the claptrap of the shod AND stupid, here are some potent barefoot zingers.
Where are your shoes?
- Only smart people can see them.
- Running barefoot strengthens bone. The bones in my feet are almost as strong as the one in your head.
- Sometimes less is more; unfortunately for you, that does NOT apply to IQ.
- You don’t need shoes to run. Your mouth has proven that.
- My feet love the open air. Maybe they can run inside your head sometime.
- My feet don’t need shoes, but your mouth could use a brain.
- Not on my feet. If you were a quarter as smart as a half wit, you’d have tripled your IQ.
- Running without shoes gives me magic power: It forces all the world class idiots within range to ask me about my shoes.
- I’ll put shoes on my feet if you put duct tape on your mouth.
- Where’s your tail? (Pause). Because I see a horse’s ass, but no tail.
“If you can’t ignore an insult, top it; if you can’t top it, laugh it off; and if you can’t laugh it off, it’s probably deserved.”
–J. Russell Lynes quotes